Tuesday, October 24, 2006

production notes

i've never been accused to my face of being self-absorbed, but i believe i must be, and i'm ok with that. as a wise empress just reminded me, that's prob'ly why i have a blog...i can't help that this experience of life i'm having is the most important thing in mine, and i write and speak aloud not because i expect others to care, but because i must question, explore, reconsider every single thing happening within, without, and with me. my self-absorption anticipates no such similar reaction in others, but i must keep checking in case there's something new.
i've been carrying the same coke to+from rehearsal, untouched, for weeks now and i wonder if anybody's noticed (even if they can't tell it's the same bottle, wouldn't they wonder why i keep bringing a coke every day when i never open+drink it). then i tell myself that of course nobody's paying that much attention to me- why would they? but then i realise that's exactly the kind of twitchy shit i notice in others, and wonder if i'm paranoid or if everybody scrutinises everybody as hard as i do. either way, i stand by the adage that my paranoia doesn't mean the world isn't out to get me. but this coke thing is making me look @ all my little tweaky shit. i don't just repeatedly tighten the arrangement of the coffee table, i also repeatedly tighten the neat pile of my belongings i've set down for a period as short as a rehearsal, rearranging around each item i remove or replace. i adjust my clothing constantly, and switch my hair hourly because my head gets uncomfortable. i can't sit still because my body's restless. i drive myself fucking crazy.
anyway. we teching equus now and i love the show. now my only stress is not fixing the wedgie i acquire scrambling up from the ground when things go sour with alan. we have a full page of threatening dialogue with the occasional even-less-attractive crouch/huddle to get through and i feel like my shit's increasingly crooked the whole time. but i can't go back to the brazilian. sorry grims. but the show feels good.
i don't wanna say any more.
walk good.

ps: just glimpsed the funniest tv ad, cartoon cranberries (in cranassure by ocean spray) singing about their being good for the urinary tract. cracked my shit up!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like the lack of a brazilian ever kept me away.

2:50 pm  
Anonymous zed . gremiln said...

grims, you put too much info here, why must everyone be subjected to you and sis nastiness!!! anyway, yeah sis you are a bit para, and it does my head in, but your paranoia also makes you well observant and a great writer, i think....love u

7:25 am  

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