best of my possible worlds?

life just keeps on keeping on at an alarming pace, and the more mine complicates, the less i write of it, directly, here. sometimes i hadda remind self that i writing elsewhere and lack of it here doh mean lack...even if it still make me feel guilty sometimes...
speaking of which! i finally get to hear bits of diablesse diaries draft voiced out loud by others, and the difference from inside my head is as great as i feared, but editing is another love and it on like a socks...plus, my readers even like elements so at least i know i eh crazy. the wuk worth pursuing. which i need. someting need to wuk right now. someting hadda feel good out here, in these times of not nearly enough...
[that said, out loud against my better judgement, thank goodness for vitamin q!]
milestones cropping up and climbed over, clumsily, not at all the way i'd like, but survived and learned from as best i can, and yet, knowing as much, i feel underprepared, like i know nothing at all. which is about as much as i know, i think...see how convoluted? 1step forward 2steps back too mucha the damn time...this year's major project fall through after booking my time to the exclusion of others, leaving me broke+underemployed las' minute, once again, so the world in a mess as my world in a mess and all spiralling out of control while i jus' trying to finally complete the 2projects i wukkin on for me for these last few years, in between trying to pay bills. to reach so close to having both diablesse+other done by the end of carnival season then be thwarted by columbia ruining my money and machine (and thus, ability to earn more) then have this year's major income fall down on top of that making this year a punishment...at least q keeping me company...hm, 2mentions, living dangerously...or finally learning to trust?
riiight...sound like is time for better words, before i embarrass meself; wish i could cut+paste the txt right here so any passerby could experience immediately, but it more than worth an extra click, gabe moses, queer poetics: how to make love to a trans person.
and more words to check out later, how the beeb taking the new world on board@bbc pidgin.
plus this talk on the human brain hallucinating one's conscious reality, because, existential crisis, always, ent...and right right now, as i now type the words "existential crisis" i suddenly feel like doing the very writing i open by saying i do less+less of over time...mouth open 'tory jump out? maybe...living dangerously, indeed...
walk good
oh! ps: goodworks/resources; 25,000 old records digitized and made available for download!