the great motivator

without advance knowledge of an impending trip to sweet trini for carnival, getting back in shape is hard. it's making me wonder if the reason america struggles with obesity is partly because they don't have carnival (and accompanying culture). i mean, there's mardi gras, but how many americans make that the fixture their calendar revolves around? i think if this whole country had carnival every year they'd be a healthier, happier people. of course, the timing'd have to be different because half the country's in shit weather right now, which doesn't help motivate anyone to get fit either- all winter motivates is sitting on the couch with blankets and comfort food, the polar opposite of carnival.
speaking of which, a week and a half ago, we got 9inches of snow dumped in our backyard. a week ago (mid-february, remember) the temperature soared into the 60's and melted all the snow in a hurry. after 2/3 days of that, we plummeted to barely-30-degree highs, then we made it up to 50-ish degrees yesterday. this morning, i looked outside and it was snowing. not that it stuck, but still, d.c. weather is bullshit!
the one thing i can kinda look forward to in the usa in february is black history month programming. but this rounds, every single tv channel is full of ads that suggest there might be programming, that never materialises. everybody managed to splice together the great old photos and footage of black american icons that we've already seen a million times, underscored by curtis mayfield, cut in alicia keys saying how inspired she was by stevie wonder, or roberta flack, or whoever, ending with some attempt at a meaningful affirmation. but with the exception of bet (which technically doesn't count since it's all "black" programming, all the time already) and comedy central's "galaxy of black stars" or whatever that is, i haven't seen anybody actually do anything but recycle the photos and footage, adjusting the focus accordingly for sports or entertainment. and maybe it's because i'm not watching the right channels, but i do look through the guide before making a selection, and i ent seeing shit!
i've been consoling myself for weeks with the faint hope that maybe the evo morales' salary cut might inspire change somewhere, but now it's all i can do to repress the instinctive wish that dude would die so dick cheney'd finally get in trouble, rather than apologising to the man who shot him in the face. i've been not discussing it because i feel like an even worse bad person- i never wished real death on a complete stranger before.
i won't even go into port-security drama. i'm just reminding myself they're not my ports.
perhaps you can tell that winter is not my season...
in an effort to lift the gloom of winter and cheney's continued freedom while he revokes everyone else's, i offer you an amusing, horrible cautionary tale about dick:
the other day while chatting with the gremlin (who already reach home for carnival) on the phone she mentioned to me that a friend of hers recently broke his dick.
said dude apparently slipped out of his chosen orifice, mid-intercourse, and as he prepared for re-entry, decided to 'go hard'. which woulda been fine, except that he missed, and banged his penis off his partner's pubic bone instead. this resulted in immediate pain and swelling, and the end of intercourse for the night (and as we shall soon see, for weeks to come). the gremlin said the swelling was terrible, and commented on "the pictures". needless to say, i asked why there were pictures, and she explained that initially, broken-dick+pubic-bone-partner thought it was painful and inconvenient but not serious, and pubic-bone-partner, amid much laughter, took pictures which are apparently an awful sight.
then, as the swelling and pain only worsened, broken-dick and pubic-bone decided that the emergency room might be in order. they tried to dress broken-dick, but the swelling was so bad that they literally couldn't get any pants on him. not even his sweats. so they gingerly covered his lower half with a towel for the trip.
broken-dick's broken dick was medically confirmed as being 'broken' (an odd term for damage to a mostly muscular appendage, but i'ma work with it because it's funny)- with surgery required, and the logical decision that since it'd be outta commission anyway, it might as well be circumcised while it was in the building!
so broken-dick and pubic-bone-partner are on hiatus for some weeks (months? i was laughing so hard by the end of the story that final details are hazy) and let that be a warning to you:
caution advised on re-entry...
walk good.