flash fiction friday

i try to keep trying varied storytelling voices, while maintaining my sensibility. thus, i must big up jj for providing me with the opportunity to do so each week.
so, this week's flash fiction friday:

My hand! Oh, God, my hand…how the hell could i forget my freakin’ hand? who leaves their hand on the table? well, clearly, i do…but what in the hell is wrong with me, leavin’ my hand? you’d think i’d notice. i mean, you’d think i’d realise i only had one opposable thumb (if there’s only one, is it still considered opposable? are opposable thumbs opposing each other, or the rest of the fingers?).
damn. now i gotta go back and collect it. talk about unprofessional. how’m i gonna hack it in this business if i go around leavin’ my damn hand behind? they’re gonna think i lack focus, that's whay they'll think, “yeah, that guy, he’d lose his hand if it wasn’t attached…”
shit. shit. shit!
right. i’m goin’ back. maybe there’s a way to retrieve it with minimal observation. but what’s a good excuse for going back?
of course. the money. i’ll say i left the…come on, asshole, that don’t work. first, they’d expect to see me leave again with the bag, second, they already saw me leave with the bag, and third, then i’d really look incompetent – what kinda bag man leaves the fuckin’ bag?
you know, this is that little prick’s fault though, checkin’ me, pattin’ me down and askin’ a buncha nosy questions about what was up my sleeve. if that jackass hadn’ta made me take it off in the first damn place…
right. almost there. so what’s my excuse for comin’ back? not the hand, not the cash…what else could i use?
parlay! yeah! i’ll say i wanna parlay with the man, and while i’m in there i’ll just make sure i grab it before i leave. right…
but i gotta say somethin' to the man while i'm in there gettin' it, so what do i wanna parlay with the man about? work? am i tryin’ to pick up some work on the side? does that make me look disloyal to my current employer? maybe that’s not the way in. work would be a good excuse though. important enough to go back and see the man about. ok. so i need to talk about work. what kinda work? do i maybe wanna move up the food chain a little? take on different responsibilities? yeah…that’s exactly what i need to talk about. i been bag man for awhile and i’m tired of playin’ it safe. yeah. i’m ready to step out in the world and make a name for myself, and i figure, with the man’s backin’…yeah…
right. look lively, man. you gotta be convincin’ now. be authoritative and shit.
stop. don’t knock, just go on in. you belong here. you tryin’ to link up with the man on more serious matters…
what the…
“what in the hell is goin’ on in here? you supposed to be the man’s right hand! what is this shit? what you mean, what am i doin’ here? i came to see the man. we got business…yeah, business.”
that’s right. calm down and don’t ask no questions about shit that don’t concern you. play it cool. from the looks of things, this could be sticky, and you don’t need no part of whatever’s goin’ down here. all you need is the hand, so don’t get up in his business and keep him outta yours…
“hey man, what you do on your time is your business, right…i’m not tryin’ to make no trouble for you. i just wanna see the man. so i'm goin' in, right?”
authoritative. right.
get to the hand. get to the hand. don’t let this fool stop you. get to the hand.
“like i said, i don’t care what you got goin’ here. i just wanna see the man, and it’s about somethin’ important, ok. just let me through to the man.”
keep your cool. don’t let this 2-handed shithead get in your way. keep cool and get the hand.
“guy, i can’t promise you there won’t be no repercussions for preventin’ me from dealin’ with this matter. i think you should lemme see the man so there’s no trouble for either of us. otherwise i couldn’t say what could happen…”
don’t get heated. just get the hand. be professional and get to the hand.
“look guy, i know you just tryin’ to look out for your affairs, but i feel obliged to let you know that detainin’ me is not necessarily the best career move for you right now. i am on a mission. i warn you that you should not force my hand in this delicate situation…”
shit! don’t mention the hand. just get the hand.
“right. i see that you have chosen to disregard my helpful advice. so unfortunately, this meetin’-delayin’-meetin’ we’re havin’ is now officially over.”
“sorry ‘bout the spray, i’m still workin’ on lefty trigger control…hello sir, i was just on my way to see you about some important business, and i apologise for this bloody mess, but things got a little outta control with your guy here. well, i’m sorry that you’re so upset about it, sir. i most certainly did not mean to offend you in any way. but if that’s how you feel about it, i’m sure that i can remedy the situation.”
“there. that’s better. and like i was sayin’ to your guy a moment ago, i’m sorry ‘bout the spray. me and my shrink are working on my anger management problem and i promise that i’m workin’ on my left-hand trigger control. i know that a person with my condition should be fully ambidextrous, especially for occasions like this, but that’s not exactly somethin’ i can work on in therapy. it’s mostly a matter of practice, but it wouldn’t do to be tied to too many obituaries and whatnot- i’m sure you understand. i mean, woulda understood."
“now, if you gentlemen will pardon me for steppin’ over you, i don’t mean to be rude, but there’s just no way around you and i need to go into that other room and get my hand…thank you kindly, and you have a nice day.”

walk good.