strippers+legos.

me+grims revisited the royal palace.
i am a woman who loves men- love how they look, smell, taste, love those who think and those who do, and i believe the men who love me have always been amply rewarded.
however, i also love women. women are beautiful- smooth and soft and curvy and sexy in a way that men cannot be. but i am actually pickier about women than i am about men.
that said, as picky as i am about women, i rarely meet a stripper i can't find something in to like. it's partly out of respect for what they do- a good dancer is an amazing and entrancing sight, as is any straight-up sexy woman, like the 1st time i saw honey work a pole, or saw mercedes wine, or saw salma hayek* just be. thus, i like strip clubs because you can't beat naked chicks who can move their lovely naked bodies well, and i tip well because you really, really can't beat sliding your hand along a smooth and sexy thigh to give some hard-wukkin woman what she deserves for her time, effort, and pole-tricks.
when we were still in school, i used to buff nico for always finding his ass in trouble for being in love because he's the kinda man who could always find the loveable thing about any woman (regardless of my insistence to the contrary), and thus always was simultaneously in love with more girls than were his fair share, leading to much drama- but i finally understand, nico. women are simply amazing creatures, and who could settle on just one?
me+grims hadn't been to the palace in ages and heard there was some new talent, so we went late afternoon to catch the end of the day shift and changeover to night shift, in an attempt to catch as many of the new girls and old favourites as possible. and lemme tell you, it was a wonderful evening. we were thrilled to see mercedes, alexi, and briefly, sexy (who i had to buff for being so late for night-shift that she was coming as we were leaving). sadly, jake, the manchick was still there and we had to practice some avoidance, and i missed the amazing honey-on-the-pole. angel, selena, sasha, tatiana, and nicolette, who i'd always thought were nice but didn't absolutely captivate me like the aforementioned 3, wowed me- the girls have used their holidays wisely and returned with new shit- classier outfits, tighter bodies, new tricks...
the new girls were good too, so overall, the quality of royal palace has really improved, and it's always been a user-friendly place...
there was one new girl who'll take time- she looked like she's still in college (tall, slender white chick with a 19-year-old face+body) and took a class to learn all the right moves, but is still counting them out to the music in her head, and isn't comfortable with eye contact yet. but she has promise. the new brazilians, leah and penelope, were also lovely. leah's a thicker girl, but i consider that a good thing, and if you don't, penelope's more of a penelope cruz type- both should smile more though, their faces really light up when they do.
but the star of the new girls is definitely china. damn!
tall, nice ass+boobs (all real, of course), built to last with legs that could snap your neck, moves like a star, star attitude onstage, then completely sweet on the floor. we're huge fans. china's a welcome addition, and my almost-menage with her and lexi, and brief time spent with her and mercedes made my week. and naturally, grims is happy.
which brings us back to oz. of course, we couldn't go all the way there and not check out a strip club.
we went to one in sydney with an unmemorable name that included the word 'platinum'. now, the lame part is that since just about everybody in oz is aboriginal, white or asian, but there's not that much mixing of ethnicities (some in sydney+melbourne, but not much elsewhere, and not much there either in comparison with what i'm used to) there's very little variety among strippers, which i dislike. it seems that you have to go to a white strip club or an asian one, but stupidly can't have both in one club (i'd like to remind everyone that i admit to limited experience). and of course, we couldn't find an asian club. and barbie is not my style. but it was an experience.
by the end of the night in oz, i managed to like 3 of the barbies, one because she had real boobs, had obviously taken ballet for a long time and used her training to her advantage** and seemed to genuinely enjoy dancing, another because she had real boobs and an attitude that reminded me of sexy from the palace, and the 3rd because she had real boobs and came right up to us, looked in my eyes and proceeded to spend the next few minutes dancing exclusively for my benefit, never even glancing @ grims or anybody else, maintaining eye contact with me the whole time and not dancing that way for anybody else between eye-fucking me and leaving the club. momentarily disconcerting was the fact that her name is the same as zed's, and who wants to think of their sister in that situation, but her "x" pendant suggested that she spells it differently, plus it's prob'ly not her real name anyway, and after the 1st 2 minutes of her focussing her entire being on me so intensely, i forgot her name anyway...
what i hated though, was that the club had a $20 cover (which you know the girls won't get a cut of, so i think it's bullshit) as well as the standard expensive drinks (drinks are generally more expensive in oz, even with the exchange rate benefit), but it also made you buy 'tipping dollars' to give the dancers- shitty because they're larger than real bills, and laminated, so they seem very uncomfortable when slid under a garter, plus, the club charges you $2 for every $20 worth of 'tipping dollars', which is a fuckery when it's their petarded policy to have them in the 1st place, and again, you know the girls don't get a cut! it's the least thrilling tipping of strippers ever.
we surmised that the tipping dollars were because australia's smallest bill is a $5 (they have beautiful bills, but do coins for $1 and $2) and the club's trying to be considerate of the fact that one may not want to tip in multiples of 5, which would make it excusable. but when we asked grims' aussie in-law, he said that other strip clubs don't do tipping dollars and you just have to be willing to tip in fives (or more, i assume) which made me more pissed off at that fucking club- making things petarded, then charging me extra for their petarded bullshit, and making it like trying to tip strippers with legos, all for no apparent good reason.
it was good to be back @ the palace...
walk good.

this post has been appended (below) to include relevant details from subsequent, related posts:
*while editing to spell salma hayek's name correctly, i discovered that she+i have the same birthday. and while i'm sure you can google the alluring salma yourself, the thought made me want to provide the opportunity to appreciate another beauty (n.b.: the first 4 pictures aren't my favourites so i sincerely suggest that you scroll down and see them all; no nudity)- i'm torn between wanting her and wanting to be her. she's my current inspiration to regain my currently-hibernating former body- excerpted from later post briefs.
**and the thing this post (unforgiveably) forgot to say, was that the aussie ballerina-cum-stripper really won my respect and admiration when she jumped up onto the pole, wrapped her legs around it and released her upper body into a back-bend so that she was basically hanging upside down, then released one leg, and while holding herself up there with a thigh, proceeded to remove her clothing, then slowly twirl her way down the pole to a graceful dismount on ground level- like i said, her ballet training showed- excerpted from later post short notes on previous themes.