shoulda knewn it couldn' last...

story of my blasted life. 2weeks after foolishly announcing here, i fucking happy, it falling apart around me. and is i do it, to my own damn self. probably starting with announcing it here; years now i saying, anytime i finally mention somebody here, they's promptly start fucking up and relationship crash+burn. so i's doh do that again. in theory. but when somebody make their way to a certain level of intimacy+involvement then maintain over time, i eventually get to a point where i feel confident enough that we good and our understanding deep and it feel weird to consciously avoid mentioning them so when it come up, i do, figuring they go be different because we so tight and, sure nuff, as fast as i drop the word, they drop the fucking ball. or rather, pelt it so far outta bounds they break connection...
and so said so done. and i let it happen, ent...i choose to, like a damn ass. and of course, it wasn' only that, i let tings happen in the las' 2weeks because letting somebody that close that they could fuck me up is its own little folie a deux that i's stupidly doh recognise until too late, but i cyah even unpack the hurt+rage right now...all i have is disappointment in myself for letting him lead me astray, again.
sufficeth to say i picking up what the universe putting down and will be laying low; focus on make/art/wuk.
stay tuned for news of water more than flour's bbcradio3 broadcast...
walk good.