Saturday, August 10, 2013

making the im/possible

my life would be considerably easier if i could not be myself in non-performance situations, if i could successfully react to my circumstances like a different person, because myself has a tendency to make risky choices for myself and difficult-to-fulfill demands of life in the endeavour to live by my principles and the universe's alone- one of mine is persisting with the idea that i can survive (i.e. rent+utilities so i can live alone as i need) freelancing in the arts in trinidad+tobago, when i doh write advertising copy, work for the newsmedia or government, teach at an academic institution, or make soca or farce- making my life more difficult seem to be my fulltime job.
problem is, my dreams tied to making them come true here, in this place, in this space, home. my future success cannot be success if i have to go outside to find it. is not enough to make/art/wuk; i must make/art/wuk here.
so i wear my warriorwoman face while i select projects not recklessly but regardless of endangering pocket and sometimes survival, let myself do as i am compelled, conquer them fears, because the $ will come...and i owe, and i stress, and i write+delete+write some more, agonise over my mother's growing concerns and my growing debt, agonise over my dialogue, my prose, find a few more grey hairs, wonder if i should be agonising over those, wonder if my state is acceptable at this stage+age...then remember who i am and what strength runs in me...
i will make these impossible dreams real.
walk good.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

BOOM !!! you make my early cold morning right & bright. nobody can test your strength. biggest love, signed, no name or alias ( trying to help with the anonymity issue of your blog)

2:51 am  
Blogger sweet trini said...

hahahahhahaaa...i accept the not-quite-anonymity of this blog long time; it was my newspaper column people make out; but thanks for trying...heehee...walk good.

11:00 am  

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Friday, August 02, 2013

because i'm weird, i guess...

i explain the other day how items finally make it here for personal archiving/sharing; this collection odder than most because it includes tabs sitting open for weeks, months, without my being completely sure i need to be able to find them again, enough to post them. but i must admit, if so many weeks pass and in all the rewatching-repercolating-rewatching these tabs never get closed, that seem to answer my questions, so...
1st item sitting here long because it doh quite meet my requirement for how much amusement/reaction it provokes to repost; i usually need to strongly like at least 75% content of anything i want repeat access to, or to share, and these 15 things that escalated way too quickly not meeting that, but the handful of laughworthy moments laughworthy enough to keep the tab open, so worth the minute it takes to click+see...
this i have no doubt shareworthy: me'shell ndegeocello talks about the nina simone songs that inspire her most, links to all, go read+listen.
again, no doubts about this one; this deeply intimate, not-safe-for-work size-positive letter from her boyfriend must make this big girl feel like queen of the world.
related, but another of the tabs-that-uncertain-but-cyah-close, for some reason i been semi-fascinated by this video. i think is because of how real everybody looks, like they wearing their own clothes and behaving how they actually behave, instead of trying to be video vixens+hearthrobs. me eh know if this is macka diamond's usual style because i never like a song of hers enough to watch a video before, but it have someting 'bout this one, yes...

this is just brilliant+creative+fun: tom thum tedx beatbox...  
big-up a favourite of mine, kim johnson, not a dancer but my favourite dance-film selector, for introducing me to this director's work. 1st, a man move his shoulder about a minute+half in, and i cry down the place; absolutely gorgeous. then this go just make you wanna get up+dance yuh damn self.
and closing with the most delightfully informative 2minutes all day...walk good.

1 Comments:

Blogger crazyfool said...

when you blog these link heavy posts that shoot me around the internet universe like traveling via wormhole from amazing galaxy to hilarious galaxy to brilliant galaxy (cutting out all the empty space) i hope you know that you turn my browser into a mirror of what yours must had been prior to posting. i open each window to each galaxy you so sweetly searched+shared revealing tab by tab by tab, star by star by star to experience+enjoy. it's like sweet trini's guide to the internet and it's not weird... it's wonderful.

11:57 am  

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