50

as we celebrate the milestone of 50years we must also look to the future; to guide our direction here and now, we must ask: where do we see ourselves going? what do we see ourselves becoming, and is that who we want to be?
are we a self-sufficient nation that recognises and treats citizens as its best natural resource? are we supporting and developing our communities to that end? do we see ourselves a people that builds on our history of overcoming adversity through creativity? the hardships of existence triggered inspiration for the jab molassie, dame lorraine, sweet pan…but only we can do so. only we can choose to push forward together, choose to invest in a truly independent trinidad+tobago built on the cooperation of all and not the backs of some, a trinidad+tobago built on the realities of this place to benefit we of this place, where our self-expression is expansive enough to include midnight robbers, bikinis+beads+feathers, tantan+sagaboy, pan, calypso, chutney, rapso and all in-between, where we don’t look to outside trends to shape our self-image, where we see ourselves in our diversity in the media, and that diversity reflected in social policy, and every person feels represented and valued in the functioning of the nation.
let us celebrate 50 years by moving closer to our dreams with the next 50; let us assert our independence by being our best selves and creating the trinidad+tobago we want for ourselves. we are people of great spirit; let us not stifle+cheapen that chasing the almighty dollar but become a trinidad+tobago where everybody is somebody, nobody is nobody, and each of we contribute to the resilience and innovation that make this tiny twin-island nation a force to be reckoned with.
happy independence t+t! 50 years…50/50 love!
walk good.

art

artist bryan lewis saunders is doing something i contemplating variations of for years now; taking a buncha different drugs and creating a self-portrait while under the influence of each. brave, foolish, exciting work...go see. walk good.

bamboozled

remember that flick? still makes me cry hot tears of anger every time i think myself strong enough to watch and despair when i know i not strong enough but need to remember anyway...that spoiler was a necessary warning, because you need to watch this lupe fiasco:  
walk good.

in dependence?

50years in the making, this nation of shrinking imagination, where we ignore our most innovative selves and idolise what outside dictates. we are our best natural resource but let leaders chosen from shamefully slim pickings leave we the people languishing in plannings and paddies, foreign stars brought to both police and provide distraction for apathetic minds emptily seeking escape.
we exist in dependence, our welfare in hands busy pushing us aside to snatch+grab for money+power, but we say we independent…50 years in, will we continue to blindly celebrate ideals we only pretend to pursue, or are we ready to meet this 50th independence day with a commitment to we for we?
now is the time, the time is now to do for we and be for we; we matters must matter to we, love of liberty not merely forged but fostered through love for we the people, we nation, we culture, we future.
walk good.

story+telling

i always been a strong character+description writer, good with conceptualising strange scenarios, but horrible with plot development. is a serious frustration to have engaging characters and high-stakes ready-setting the stage for much ado+mayhem, then fizzle, unable to plot a satisfying journey+resolution. and orgasms may combat lack of inspiration+desire, but they cyah make a chess player of a mind accustomed to living literally 1moment at a time...
is me. when somebody say, "wha's the story you want to tell?" my inability to answer is all the answer i need.
i put brain+hands on tools and let words write themselves. i let the story that wants+needs to be told tell itself, which is fine for general creative writing but piss poor for deadlines and projects my higher calling make me make exist. when writing because i know the wuk needed, them good intentions cyah substitute for storyline, nah...
walk good.

medals, somewhat contextualised [edit: added link]

olympic medals/country with population+gdp information; updated with every medal.
and related, future for regional sports?
walk good.

make/art/wuk

before i write, lemme just say again: keep reading sunity maharaj.

this is the time of focus+determination. my desire and need for making this work plus the frustration-backlash-drive of being kept from it by circumstances beyond my control lacking concern for my priorities, coincide with my getting a handle on the umbrella lesson of what life choosing to teach me lately. all the necessary pieces in place and is simply to focus+do. this work is to is; must to is.
lessons come in widely varied ways but teach the same underlying principles: i do not play well with others; they mostly do not meet my (apparently unreasonably) high standards.
recent experiences illustrate why is high time for me to keep wukkin with my bonafides- canals, continuum, lilliput, griot, gyazette, csd/metamorphosis- and otherwise be strictly wukkin on my shows:
in rehearsals where i'm stagemanager, someone hired as an actor generally been acting like a brick and we in rehearsal for the scene where this "actor" scripted to cry. director has been clear that actual tears not being demanded but there must be some emotional response to the character's situation, asks if there's no emotional trigger in the dialogue, and "actor" responds, "there is an emotional trigger for me there, yuhknow, but i don't want to tell you because then you'll make me do it..."
my immediate instinct was to fire the "actor" and never work with them again, confirmed by subsequent discovery that prior rehearsals had elicited words to the effect that the "actor" didn't want to take the emotional journey(s) being directed because that would result in going home too tired after rehearsals. i not even bothering to explain why that upsetting.
on multiple occasions i've had multiple performers be well over an hour late for rehearsal+performance calltimes, offer no explanation or apology, act like that should be acceptable, and have a problem with being reprimanded for it.
an "actor" said, about midway through rehearsal process for show, "you don't expect me to learn all these lines word-for-word, by heart..." and tried to fight me down when i said "yes, that's your job", then another "actor" asked, in seriousness, "why?"...the fear of the playwright salted the wound- the moment instantly provoked the urge to ensure the script i currently writing and those still to come can only ever be performed under my creative control because i can't bear the thought of performers being so cavalier with my carefully-wrought words, which would then defeat my own original goal of helping to develop a local canon...but the lack of discipline+professionalism is scaring me enough that for now i need to exert more control over who i work with, which perfectly feeds my desire to create my own shows to finally bring ting i want to see, ting for people whose minds want to reach a little further, to local stages.
and personal situations playing out too similarly to ignore: alone is how i work best; others rarely meet my (apparently unreasonably) high standards; stick with the bonafides, jettison the rest...
martin carter say, the more the men of our time we are, the more our time is...
make/art/wuk.
walk good.

late to the party

the last show finally open, so i now deliver what i hope will be the last post for awhile where i feel is all catch-up. i dislike the feeling of not really writing and there's been far too much of that round these parts for far too long. admitting to withdrawal under distress is not an excuse to continue doing it, and is time to make/art/wuk. words calling; so i disseminating the recent mental archive to allow for forward-writing:
bc pires, saying what i been reading+thinking.
money worries.
and my sexy zaaki totally capturing sweet t+t...walk good.