make/art/wuk

before i write, lemme just say again: keep reading sunity maharaj.

this is the time of focus+determination. my desire and need for making this work plus the frustration-backlash-drive of being kept from it by circumstances beyond my control lacking concern for my priorities, coincide with my getting a handle on the umbrella lesson of what life choosing to teach me lately. all the necessary pieces in place and is simply to focus+do. this work is to is; must to is.
lessons come in widely varied ways but teach the same underlying principles: i do not play well with others; they mostly do not meet my (apparently unreasonably) high standards.
recent experiences illustrate why is high time for me to keep wukkin with my bonafides- canals, continuum, lilliput, griot, gyazette, csd/metamorphosis- and otherwise be strictly wukkin on my shows:
in rehearsals where i'm stagemanager, someone hired as an actor generally been acting like a brick and we in rehearsal for the scene where this "actor" scripted to cry. director has been clear that actual tears not being demanded but there must be some emotional response to the character's situation, asks if there's no emotional trigger in the dialogue, and "actor" responds, "there is an emotional trigger for me there, yuhknow, but i don't want to tell you because then you'll make me do it..."
my immediate instinct was to fire the "actor" and never work with them again, confirmed by subsequent discovery that prior rehearsals had elicited words to the effect that the "actor" didn't want to take the emotional journey(s) being directed because that would result in going home too tired after rehearsals. i not even bothering to explain why that upsetting.
on multiple occasions i've had multiple performers be well over an hour late for rehearsal+performance calltimes, offer no explanation or apology, act like that should be acceptable, and have a problem with being reprimanded for it.
an "actor" said, about midway through rehearsal process for show, "you don't expect me to learn all these lines word-for-word, by heart..." and tried to fight me down when i said "yes, that's your job", then another "actor" asked, in seriousness, "why?"...the fear of the playwright salted the wound- the moment instantly provoked the urge to ensure the script i currently writing and those still to come can only ever be performed under my creative control because i can't bear the thought of performers being so cavalier with my carefully-wrought words, which would then defeat my own original goal of helping to develop a local canon...but the lack of discipline+professionalism is scaring me enough that for now i need to exert more control over who i work with, which perfectly feeds my desire to create my own shows to finally bring ting i want to see, ting for people whose minds want to reach a little further, to local stages.
and personal situations playing out too similarly to ignore: alone is how i work best; others rarely meet my (apparently unreasonably) high standards; stick with the bonafides, jettison the rest...
martin carter say, the more the men of our time we are, the more our time is...
make/art/wuk.
walk good.