Monday, September 12, 2005

fff entry

almost didn't make the deadline, but here's my flash fiction (from friday), as set up by jj, the purgatorian.
my entry (which sadly, isn't as nearly as good as the first version i wrote, and lost when i hit 'save'):

If only I had been able to retrieve the slice before that awful... woman got her hands on it...she didn't deserve a single bite of that delightfully extra-cheesy, ham-and-pineapple covered, bacon-bettered pizza. and perhaps more importantly, she didn't need it.

only 15 minutes prior, mistress porky had been gushily (and was there any other way, with her) extolling the virtues of her "atkins-vegetarian-combo-diet" that'd lost her 63lbs in a matter of weeks (in fact, the understanding that before her presumed loss the sight would've been 63lbs sloppier was the only thing preventing her triumphant clutch on that coveted slice of flavour and warmth i'd been 2 fingertips away from claiming from being the worst ever witnessed).
i'm still not sure precisely what set me off.
i'm usually such a genteel person.
but watching her shoveling my intended slice into her gaping, leaky maw, her slackly slapping jaws pummelling rather than chewing and tasting the meal-in-a-mouthful that is each magnificent bite of a pizza somehow made my brain break open, and the words i'd been trapping behind the retaining wall of my polite upbringing spewed forth:
"who the fuck do you think you are? you must be solely responsible for 9 in every 10 starving children in burkina faso, and you can't even have the decency to contribute anything but lies that you won't have any, when the group's ante-ing up the cash that funds your self-congratulatory, edible reward for not eating! fucking heifer!"
in the subsequent silence, as my brain caught up with my mouth i knew there was only one way to make it all right. i snatched the mangled remains of the slice of pizza from her greasy grasp, smushed it into her fat face, wiped off my hand on her hamhock-sized epaulette, then turned and left them all staring after my 252lbs backside.

walk good.


Blogger Monkey's Human said...

gaping, leaky maw

I shall never eat again. Delicious.

1:23 pm  
Blogger The real me said...

Ewwww! Yuck!

1:23 pm  
Blogger Chrissy said...

Ahhh, now that's a succulent slice of americana. Bravo!

You can't make me go back. Nope, won't do it.

BTW, socialism isn't all it's cracked-up to be.

1:38 pm  
Blogger Melody said...

The sentence containing "slackly slapping jaws" cracked me up! Yeah, I hate her, too.

2:10 pm  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

The last sentence cracked me up.

6:13 pm  
Blogger yournamehere said...

Men have actually been killed for eating a pizza they didn't contribute to financially.

8:01 pm  
Blogger DicKravitz said...

Hehehehe...yeah. Stupid fat...oh sorry. Didn't realize that I was typing instead of thinking to myself...Trini..I do believe that you have gone adjective crazy. Rock on girl rock on.

From the ROK

10:20 pm  
Blogger Getting There said...

Nice twist at the end. Sort of comes alive.
PS - Thanks for visiting my blog!

9:47 am  
Blogger FRITZ said...

Ha! AHA! Hahahahahahaha! HA!
Awesome. Totally frenetically awesome.

2:47 pm  

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