shift

loss changes you. and sometimes loss that seem minor from the outside is heartbreak.
i suddenly realise since i lose that huge collection of ting-to-archive i stop blogging. writing still, yes but not blogging, because i slightly scared to reach where i was before and lose big again; was done feeling like enough loss had come my way for a few years well...
invisible loss brings existential crisis; i read, i read writers, read writers reviewing writers, read, and write...and wish i felt like i think like them, write like them, like the "real writers"...i can truthfully say i am a dancer but is that only because of specific circumstances allowing for somebody who doh have all the things to be a dancer, to get away with doing so? because as much as i am idealist, i am realist, and i have long known i doh have all the things...
loss, this rounds, no matter what, must propel. forward progress. build on foundation i know strong: make/art/wuk. is all.
walk good.