patron needed; please apply

the reality of my life is that some days, if it weren't for my mother i wouldn't eat. i call it the actor's/writer's diet: to do the work i desperately want to and do what keeps me most creatively productive, i make only barely enough $ to manage bare necessities so i have time to write furiously (which inevitably means that any emergency or unforeseen circumstance immediately renders me on the verge of eviction).

i see 2ways to write what calling me. i choose to freelance in the arts because it keeps me more creatively engaged and thus creatively productive and keeps my time flexible for the kinna ting that keeps me more creatively engaged+productive and writing. the problem with this way is how hard it is freelancing in the arts to make enough $ to afford the time to focus on the writing. the other way, which never wuk for me, is to get the day job, wuk mindlessly whole day everyday to come home tired to try+finish housekeeping to then try+write, exhausted and feeling uncreative. writing never makes any $ until it done and you find somebody who like it enough to back it, and bills hadda pay while writing still in process. i not saying it impossible. it's been done by millions and being done everyday and i technically doing it all now, at least until i fail, but i come closer more often than you know, so too often i despair. and it got me thinking: what would help my situation is a patron of the arts; a patron who understands that we not dealing in commissioned work, and what is created is what must be, giving them no creative control over what gets made while bills are paid; a patron only concerned with and trusting in my ability to make worthwhile contribution.

and as i realise this, i also realise this may be my only true fantasy.

walk good.