requiem

my brother is dead. weeks. nearly a month now and i still unable to think of and focus on much else. it penetrates everything i think, say, do, every wine i have wound in an attempt at defiance of the fact and distraction from the unbearable loss. i have lost others valued enough to remember always: basil. john. shorty i. i am irreligious because is too obviously about controlling the masses and i have issues with authority and because i believe energy cannot be created or destroyed, only converted from 1 form into another. i do right by people and doh business if it have god(s) or not, doh care wha' religion or the religious think; i hold down my corner and leave them theirs, and keep doing right by people. but unnecessary suffering propels me from not caring to demanding: what the fuck kinna god(s) allyuh really supporting out here?

i told myself loss could not hold me anymore as i gladly filed divorce papers this week, and is true for impending loss in court, but not for darren. i still wearing chucks+boxers i took from him 15years ago when we were invincible. why his things here and we here? why his siblings here and he not here? why i here and he not getting ready to turn 30, wining on top the world?

only the good die young. my brother is dead. overs these bullshit gods and their petty, ridiculous ways.

walk good.