how bizarre

one thing i forgot to mention was the weird recognition as i was leaving trini. now, people always said me+zed (a.k.a. the gremlin) resemble bad, but i begged to differ until now, when i feel that i have been soundly disproved. (not that i let the person who accosted her in miami, thinking she was me, faze me in my denial, but this new incident was more serious.)
i was in piarco (airport) leaving trini, and the flight leaves @ 6am or something equally disgustingly early. the lilliput show'd been the night before, and from queens hall we went limin, trying to hear 12(theband), who we missed, of course, and i still haven't heard, and will have to settle for inhaling what i've been told is their amazing-ness over @ caribbeanfreeradio's 12 interview instead- but anyway, so we went limin, resulting in my getting home after 3.30am, when i needed to leave @ 5.30am. so basically, i took off my heels, drank some juice, packed my bags, lay down for less than a half-hour, didn't fall asleep (prob'ly for the best), put the heels back on, and left. didn't even change- went to the airport wearing what i'd worn onstage the night before- didn't bother to remove my contact lenses either...
so as i'm boarding the plane, darkers keeping my eyes (and most of my face) from betraying my condition, this dude in a ground-staff uniform says, "excuse me, are you zed's sister?" (except he called her full name). so i stop, surprised, and say,
"yeah. where you know her from?"
"school."
"what school?" and i'm expecting him to say "college", because we both went to an all-girls high school, but instead he says,
"happy vale montessori"
and i am floored.
"man, you tryin to tell me you went to montessori school with her and you remember her well enough to recognise me, who you don't even know, as her sister @ 6 o'clock in the morning, with half my face covered by darkers?! she musta made quite an impression on you! you know our mother works for the airline too, and is on my flight?"
and then it was old home week. he came on board and met mom (who's a purser) who promptly said the same thing i did about zed making an impression, but followed it by asking the poor boy if he needed friends.
lester took it in stride, which is the only way to take my mom (a.k.a. red ants, if that explains anything) and i was horrified the rest of the day by the sudden forced acceptance of our shared face.

in other news- and i'm making no effort to verify truth, just sharing this with you as a joke in the aftermath of my brazilian wax episode- got this from a friend, it isn't a literal epilogue to my wax story, but i hereby dedicate it to georgia, for being wonderfully appalled in the past, and the lovely chrissy, as a promise of things to come:
"all hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal- the epilady, scissors, razors, nair and now...easy wax. my night began as any other normal weekday night. come home fix dinner, played with the kids. i then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: maybe i should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet. so i headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom. it was one of those new cold wax kits. no melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off. no muss, no fuss. hey, how hard can it be? i mean i'm no girly-girl but i am mechanically inclined enough that i can figure it out. *YA THINK!!!* so i pull one of the thin strips out. it's two strips facing each other stuck together. instead of rubbing them together, i get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. cold wax my rear end!! (oh, how this phrase haunts me!) i lay the strip across my thigh. hold the skin around it tight and pull. ok, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. i can do this! hair removal no longer eludes me! i am she-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire.with my next wax strip i move north. after checking on the kids, i sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. i drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. using the same procedure i apply the wax strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (yes, it was a long strip). i inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!! i'm blind!!! blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!! vision returning, i notice that i've only managed to pull off half of the strip. &^^%$S&%T!!! another deep breath and RRIIPP. everything is swirly and spotted. do i hear crashing drums??? ok, back to normal. i want to see my trophy- a wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has caused me so much pain sticking to it. i want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair. i hold up the strip! there's no hair on it. where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX??? slowly i ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. i see the hair. the hair that should be on the strip. i touch. i am touching wax. i run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. then i make the next BIG MISTAKE...... remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet. i know i need to do something. so i put my foot down. ######!!!!!!!! i hear the slamming of the cell door. vagina? sealed shut. butt?? sealed shut. i penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "please don't let me get the urge to poop. my head may pop off!" hot water!! hot water melts wax!! i'll run the hottest water i can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and i can gently wipe it off right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* i get in the tub- the water is slightly hotter than that used totorture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment- i sit. now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. in scalding hot water, which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. so, now i'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!! god bless the man that convinced me i should have a phone in thebathroom!!!!! i call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. it's a very good conversation starter. "so, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" there is a slight pause. she doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me. she wants to know exactly where the wax is located on bottom. "are we talking cheeks or hole or what?" she's laughing out loud by now... i can hear her. i give her the rundown and she suggests i call the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! right!! i should be the joke of someone else's night. while we go through various solutions. i resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and THEN dryshaving the sticky wax off!! by now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and i slip into glazed donut land. my friend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. what do i really have to lose at this point. i rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! the scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but i really don't care. "IT WORKS!! it works!! i get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. i successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair ............ THE HAIR IS STILL THERE ...... ALL OF IT!!!!!!! so i shaved it off. heck, i'm numb at this point."

hope you laughed. walk good.